Last week’s Miss City Weekly pageant was cinched in, pushed up, and stuffed with more lip-syncing than a Milli Vanilli concert [we’ve been waiting to use that one for over 25 years]. As promised, the dashing dames duked it out for the coveted crown of Miss City Weekly 2014. Along with bring-down-the-house numbers by each of the drop dead divas, the audience was treated to performances by ghosts of Miss City Weeklys past: Angela Saxon [2013], Nikki James [2011], and emcee/empress of excess Drewnicorn [2010. Side note: our new dreamweaver]. All the glittering gals put up a scrappy fight--and Ivanna, your dinglehopper was delightful--but, alas, only one weave can receive the crown. Salt Lake City, meet your new Miss City Weekly: Princess Nikka. Shanté, you stay.