HOW TO DECREASE* THE VALUE OF YOUR HOME IN 3 EASY STEPS!

Now, pay attention. What you’ll find below are tips to taking the value of your home to new lows. If you’re looking to actually increase the value of your home, be sure to disregard all of the following advice. Or better yet, just do precisely the opposite.

1) When choosing, remember: the more generic, the better. Rather than creating a space you will love, consider the resale value. Forget what you want–how can you make this space as appealing to as many people as possible? Answer: by making it as generic as possible. A good rule of thumb to go by is to curate in beige. Everything beige–beige on ivory, if you’re feeling jazzy. You don’t want anything to stand out here, or that will defeat the whole purpose. Oatmeal carpet is also always a safe bet. If you can, buy all your furniture from the same showroom on the same day from the same salesman. Remember, personal and unique touches will only increase the value of your home, so stay away from those as much as possible.

2) Always choose square footage over quality. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the quality of the build of a home will only increase its value, so if you’re looking to decrease, you’re going to want to favor the size of the home over the quality of craftsmanship. Bigger is better every time, right? Sprawling rooms are always a win, even if you’ve nothing to fill them with. Again, since we’re going with size over substance, getting custom work done will be pricey, so do NOT hire quality craftsman that will produce quality work. The bare minimum should suffice while filling your new gargantuan home.

3) A home is really just a roof over your head. Treat it as such. Don’t bother putting on the finishing touches that speak to you or hiring an interior designer for help. Your house is just a place to get in out of the rain, hang your hat, and rest your head at night. It is simply where you are between other places–somewhere to hold your stuff. Making it “home” is not a priority, so don’t waste your money on things that will make it feel cozier and more peaceful for you. Artwork that you feel a connection with? Nah. Custom additions? Not worth it. Cool vintage furniture? I mean, it’s already been used by somebody else. What we’re going for is new, faceless, manufactured, not-lived-in. In order to decrease its value as much as possible, a house should be sterile, bland, and as impersonal humanly tolerable. Think “dentist’s office waiting room”. And happy devaluing!

 *In the event that you don’t want to decrease the value of your home, call us up. We’ve got ideas.