Well, it’s been faaarrr too long since we’ve done one of these, gang. The COLLECTIVE Clergy is a series designed to introduce you to us. Y’know…offer up a little insight on the hamsters that keep this COLLECTIVE wheel spinning. We’ve rounded out a handful of our people in the past, but it’s high time we get back into the swing of things, and who better to start with than a member of our utterly sensational editing team? Birds and blokes: meet Katie Bald.

Katie is a complicated creature, to be sure. As my Junior Editor, I lean on her more than I do any other person in this company, and she makes my job infinitely easier than it might otherwise be. I know her pretty well, but I’d wager that she’s keeping no less than all of her secrets from me, nevertheless…just to maintain an air of mystery. I can tell you that her sense of humor is top-notch, and the two of us make an unparalleled comedic duo (just ask either one of us). Our greatest daily joy lies in making puns that translate to aMAZing story titles for our listings (“Wanted: Private Tudor“). I know her to be a loyal fan of hot dogs (no mustard, no ketchup) and her two sisters, but she loathes most everything else. One time, Josh Groban favorited her Tweet about him. Oh, and she looooves a good compliment, which brings me to my next point: Katie’s writing prowess knows no bounds. She does the lion’s share of putting pen to paper for our fantastic Place of Worship series, and she’s responsible for loads of our best content. You want proof? Keep readin’.

Describe your perfect home or space. What does it look/feel like? Cozy. Worn-in, but buttoned-up. Maybe a bit like Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion, but if Baz Luhrmann got ahold of it and stuck in a forest in New England.

One thing you absolutely cannot stand: I hate when I’m told that I’m going to love something. A movie. A song. A Netflix original series. Just let me live my life.

One thing you absolutely, unequivocally LOVE: My family. Doi. Also, Beyoncé.

Give me your take on our little COLLECTIVE: I honestly feel like anyone that doesn’t love this place completely isn’t well-enough acquainted with us. CHC is a place where people from all different spots in life have come together for a love of people, spaces, and Salt Lake City. It’s a business that was built on, like, “love”…and that’s it.

You’re a writer. Tell me when you decided that you wanted to write…like, for a living: I think that was maybe the first thing I ever decided. Probably age six.

Loaded question: Are we (as writers) losing to brevity? To the ability people have to convey a thought with a couple acronyms and an emoji? I hate to say it, but I think so. I consider myself pretty well-versed in the world wide web, so I’m not one of those people that’s anti-emoji or anti-web-speak. I do think that the internet is breeding a different kind of language, and, as foreign as it may be to some, I think it should be accepted, if not embraced. It’s a sign of the cultural times, and I think language has played a huge role in connecting people online. It may seem like a bunch of half-assed, lazy keystrokes, but there’s definitely a significant difference between “k” and “okay”. There’s a certain sting to “gtfoh” that its sister phrase just doesn’t carry. The internet has caused people to truncate their thoughts into as small a space as possible, and part of me loves exploring the weight of the words in that abbreviated English. Being really selective and deliberate with words is fascinating to me, as a writer, so I think it’s interesting to see the words and letters people choose to use, as they use fewer and fewer. As a writer, though, I do hope that writing as I grew up understanding it continues to be respected in its own right. DeLillo and Bradbury could really turn a fucking phrase.

Tell me something that you really like about yourself (besides your writing talent): I think I’m pretty funny. I do a great pun. Plays on words, that sort of thing. This is why I love coming up with punny names for our blog stories. We usually have a little rap sesh before selecting one, and those are the highlight of my week. If you’ve ever seen the “Pun Slingers” skit on Portlandia–that is the cityhomeCOLLECTIVE editing team.

Describe your perfect day: Preferably poolside. It is 80+. I am in a swimsuit that fits me fabulously, and my tan is glowing. I look like Rihanna on the Loud tour (but blonde, obviously). I am eating guacamole and drinking a blended pina colada that has been flown in from the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas. I am laughing with my family and friends. The tranquil sounds of 90s Hip Hop Pandora are wandering gently on the wind.

One of my irrational fears is random explosions. Car batteries, mostly…but really, it could happen anywhere. Anytime. We just don’t f*cking know. Anyway, what are your irrational fears? Oh, man. Irrational fears are my thing, and this isn’t something I’m proud of. The ocean and most of its inhabitants (whales, primarily); suddenly losing my sight while driving on the freeway (do I slam on the brakes?! Do I pull over?! Do I just take my foot off the gas?!); being arrested and then lost in “the system” and then being stuck in jail unjustly for much of life; being sniped through a curtainless window at night; shark in the pool (a classic amongst most toddlers); accidentally getting a huge tattoo on my face (I’ve had nightmares where I think someone is just drawing on me with marker, and then–No. It’s permanent). The list is long and strange. And I’m for sure adding “exploding car battery” to it.

Favorite read/watch: Read: The Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury and Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding are tied for first. Watch: The O.C. Any day. Anytime. Forever.

You could be living anywhere, really. Why SLC? This is where my mom and sisters are. Also, as a child of Southern California, I really appreciate the seasons. I don’t even get sick of the cold until about March (when it’s supposed to be Spring, anyway). I also don’t yet take for granted how insanely nice people from SLC are. It’s a little big city. Best of both worlds.